My recent conversation with Mrs. Republican-of-the-Year isn’t the only political post you’ll see here at PMB. This one was too good not to pull out of the vault. The day after the election in 2004, I received this list from Will in my email. And considering that this year’s election is FAR more interesting and controversial than Bush and Kerry, I can only expect to see great things from Will on November 4, 2008.
Reasons why John Kerry lost the election (and a few questions):
1. California and New York only get 86 combined electoral votes (thank God)
2. In Kerry's last flip-flop before the election, he decided to support Bush
3. He's a DEMOCRAT
4. The American public is smarter than I thought (this does not include anyone over the Mason-Dixon line or in California)
If John Kerry poops in Ohio does George Bush still wear a cowboy hat?
5. P-Diddy forgot to tell everyone that election day was Nov. 2nd
6. Not enough hippies in Austin to win Texas for Kerry
If you wait two weeks to lose do you still lose?
7. His major supporters were Ben Affleck and Roger Moore (Lord, those guys suck)
If you don't find any WMD's, but you find a bastard in a spider-hole, do you still win?
8. Refer to reason #3 once more
9. The Marketing Department @ Dell is only .0000000000000000001% of the population (again, we must thank God)
10. Marrying a billionaire doesn't qualify you for shit (except a good loan rate)
11. In a recent poll, people in Texas, Florida, and Ohio were found to be the most intelligent
12. A red-neck from Texas always kicks a Yankee's ass (The Civil War not included)
If you made a noose out of hemp, and hung Bill Clinton with it, would Republicans support the legalization of marijuana?
13. I'm giving all credit to the fine citizens of Mississippi, and their 6 electoral votes