As many of you know, I’m taking a water aerobics class. I was having such bad round ligament pain that I had to quit walking and take to the water. I’m the youngest in the class by at least 25 years. I’m the only one that doesn’t qualify for a discount at the movies or the early bird special at Luby’s. And it’s the only class I’ve ever been in where the instructor yells, “Ladies, don’t do this exercise if you’ve had a hip replacement!!” The first time I heard that, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. And I didn’t even feel bad because that shit was funny! I don’t mind hanging out with the senior citizens twice a week because these women LOVE me! They get so excited when I come to class. For the most part, I love them too, except for this one old hag that thinks I’m “big.” Screw her.
Anyway, I’ve had a lot of people ask me what I wear to water ballet (I like to call it that, as though it’s an elite group and takes skill to perform in class). They act shocked, like they don’t think Mimi would wear a maternity swimsuit. And when I describe it, they laugh! Laugh…at ME! And I’m all, well, it’s cuter than it sounds. And they’re all, yeah, there’s no way that would be cute. So, ladies and gentlemen, here it is: The very cute and very stylish leopard print water ballet costume. Well, the top at least. I’m not about to show you the bottoms. They make granny-panties look sexy.