The things we do for our kids...

As many of you know, I’m taking a water aerobics class. I was having such bad round ligament pain that I had to quit walking and take to the water. I’m the youngest in the class by at least 25 years. I’m the only one that doesn’t qualify for a discount at the movies or the early bird special at Luby’s. And it’s the only class I’ve ever been in where the instructor yells, “Ladies, don’t do this exercise if you’ve had a hip replacement!!” The first time I heard that, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. And I didn’t even feel bad because that shit was funny! I don’t mind hanging out with the senior citizens twice a week because these women LOVE me! They get so excited when I come to class. For the most part, I love them too, except for this one old hag that thinks I’m “big.” Screw her.

Anyway, I’ve had a lot of people ask me what I wear to water ballet (I like to call it that, as though it’s an elite group and takes skill to perform in class). They act shocked, like they don’t think Mimi would wear a maternity swimsuit. And when I describe it, they laugh! Laugh…at ME! And I’m all, well, it’s cuter than it sounds. And they’re all, yeah, there’s no way that would be cute. So, ladies and gentlemen, here it is: The very cute and very stylish leopard print water ballet costume. Well, the top at least. I’m not about to show you the bottoms. They make granny-panties look sexy.

New Series: Pet Peeves and Other Things That Annoy Me

Pet Peeves and Other Things that Annoy Me #1: "My child does more extracurricular activities than your kid" Stickers

I really don’t care that Johnny plays the trumpet in the Round Rock marching band! But I’ll tell you who does. Every nasty pervert in the city. They now know that your cute little Sally is on the McNeil Middle School soccer team, and I’m sure it’s not hard to find out that they have practice at 3pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So, if I were you, I’d take that sticker off the back window of your minivan. Not only is it unsafe, it’s LAME.

The first and last time I'll talk about politics on this blog

Over the past 7 months, Will and I have found ourselves sitting at home in front of the TV on most Friday nights. This is a huge departure from our lives prior to pregnancy. We’ve traded in Coors Light, late night Whataburger, and hangovers for reruns of Scrubs and Presidential debates. Yes, you heard right….We watched the debate last Friday. If something better was on TV, believe me, we would have been watching. But seeing as Obama and McCain took over EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL, we were forced to listen to them one-up each other who warned the House and Senate first on an issue and who has on the better bracelet given to them by a fallen soldier’s mother.

As soon as the debate ended, I received a phone call from Mrs. Republican of the Year:


Mrs ROY: Hey, did you just watch the debate?

Me: Yes, we actually did.

Mrs ROY: Okay, I need you to text in and vote that McCain won. I can’t text on my phone, so you need to text and vote. Can you text in?

Me: Ok.

Mrs ROY: So, what did you think?

Me: (Knowing that I was about to hear a loud scream on the other end of the line) I think Obama did better. He’s definitely a better public speaker.

Mrs ROY: WHHAAATTT???? Are you kidding me? You know better than to say that!

Me: Sorry, but I think he did a good job.

Mrs ROY: You CANNOT go to work tomorrow and tell everyone that Obama won!!!!

Me: First of all, tomorrow is Saturday, so I’m not going to work.

Mrs ROY: (laughing hysterically) That’s right! HAHAHA!! That is HIL-ARIOUS!

Me: Secondly, my friends and I don’t sit around and discuss politics at the office. We discuss more important things, like cute boys, where we went shopping over the weekend, and who we saw out downtown doing something completely inappropriate.

Mrs ROY: Anyway, you need to text Fox News and vote that McCain won…I can’t text on my phone so you need to text them right now.

Me: Why Fox news? Shouldn't we be texting into a station that isn't primarily Republican?

Mrs ROY: Well, what are you watching?

Me: NBC

Mrs ROY: WHAATTT?? Why are you watching NBC? That station is LIBERAL!

Me: Calm down. In case you didn't notice, NBC showed the exact same debate that FOX showed.

Mrs ROY: Well, you need to text into FOX. You promise you’ll text them?

Me: YES! I’ll do it right now.

Mrs ROY: Okay, bye!


Less than 30 seconds later, the phone rings….

Mrs ROY: Hey, did you text? Did you text in your vote for McCain?

Me: YES LADY! I just texted.

Mrs ROY: Good. So, we went to lunch today on the square, and there were 2 lunch specials, the McCain and the Obama. Of course I ordered the McCain, but you know what I said?

Me: What did you say? I’m just dying to know.

Mrs. ROY: I said that the Obama sandwich should be a big sausage on a bun. GET IT? BULLSHIT ON A BUN?

Me: Uh, no…. I don’t get it. Mom, are you drunk?

Goose has been in the oven for 29 weeks!

This past weekend, I went to visit Helen before little Peanut arrived. It was the last weekend I could fly and I wouldn't get to see her again until New Years. She only has 5 weeks to go!

I'm sure my parents are a little overwhelmed with pregnancy talk. It was the topic of conversation for the entire 80 hours that I was home. It was even worse when my friends from college came over on Saturday night for dinner....3 pregos and 3 non-pregos at dinner makes for an interesting conversation, and a large quantity of cupcake consumption!

What happened to the days of the large quantities of wine being consumed at the get-togethers with the Webb's? Or better yet, kegs of beer. The days when dad had to make us all hold hands in a circle and apologize to Dita because she's a damn democrat? The days of turning in our keys so no one would drive, and then wondering how in the hell Betsy ended up on Beale Street? The days of double decker buses and finding an open bed in the neighbors house to sleep in?

Oh yeah, we grew up.

It's official...

I’m pregnant. Not that I haven’t been pregnant for the past 6 months, but now I FEEL pregnant. I’m finally feeling the “joys” of pregnancy, which by the way, is complete bullshit.

I get asked how I feel about 23 times a day. And for the past 6 months, my answer has been “Great! I feel Great!” And I’m 100 percent sincere when I say it, because I did feel great….like hugs and kisses, chocolate cake, and pretty little ponies. NOT ANYMORE. So now when you ask me how I feel, I’m still going to say “GREAT!” Just know that I’m lying. I’d rather not tell you the truth, unless that’s what you really want to hear. And then I’ll tell you this:

I’m in pain. I have a knee or elbow or fist stuck in my upper ribs, right below my boob. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I try to move him but have no luck. It’s now sore to the touch. And my boobs are huge. H.U.G.E. And don’t tell me “just wait until your milk comes in!” I don’t want to hear it. If they get any bigger than they currently are, I’ll die. Literally. Or I’ll ask you to shoot me, and then you’d get in trouble and I’d feel bad. I’m taking prenatal vitamins that taste like I’m swallowing a spoonful of rotten fish, and iron pills that make you constipated...a feeling that I’d only wish on my worst enemy. I’m bleeding from places that you aren’t supposed to bleed from at this age, and I’m swollen in places that aren’t supposed to be swollen, like a little fat girl. I’m too young to have these ailments. I get about 1 hour of decent sleep at a time, and then I’m up with weird pains that you can’t quite describe. Is a baby about to pop out of my belly button, or do I just have to pee? So I get up and pee, AGAIN. Then sleep for another hour, and repeat. Oh, and did I tell you that my back is hurting so bad that I’ve resorted to seeing a strip-mall doctor to realign it? Yep, a fruity little guy in a strip mall with a weird eye.

So, I’ll spare you the earful and just say “GREAT” next time you ask, with a big fat smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye. How’s that for sugarcoating?

It's Friday, and that can only mean one thing....

It's HAIKU TIME!!

Will:

Fifty five days left
Two hours is a long time
Damn you Steve Wheeler

Mimi:

I’m still on day one
This challenge is for the birds
Makes me want to cuss

60 Day Challenge

Last weekend, we went to San Antonio with the Wheelers. And in true Steve fashion, he’s decided to challenge himself by doing something ridiculous for a ridiculous amount of time. He’s even convinced his wife that she needs to join in on the ridiculous fun . And for some reason, Will and I decided to participate. I’m just glad that Steve’s already done with his vegetarian phase. I was not about to challenge myself to that. Every once in awhile, a girl needs a filet…..or a beef burrito from Taco Bell.

Steve is running 2 miles a day for 60 straight days. Tara has given up coffee. Neither one of those sounds like any fun. Will has decided to participate in a physical activity for 2 hours a day. Um, NO THANKS! That just sounds miserable.

So, I’ve decided to quit cussing for 60 days. Now, THAT is what I call a challenge! I figure that with a baby on the way, I should probably cut down on the inappropriate words that somehow just seem to fly out of my mouth. I started the challenge yesterday and made it until 6pm….then all of a sudden, something inappropriate came out, and I followed it up with another inappropriate word because I was so mad at the first inappropriate word. And so, the challenge starts over, and today is Day 1…again. I think I have a long road ahead of me.