Somebody take the cake away from the fat kid

I have exploded over the past few weeks. I have gone from cute and pregnant to “Can somebody please help me get dressed in the morning because I can’t get my pants on.” And the funny thing is, I’ve been put on “bed rest” because my uterus is measuring small. My doctor is worried that Goose isn’t growing at the rate that he’s supposed to. Which, frankly, I think is crazy. I mean look at me! She wants me to focus all of my energy on the baby instead of work, which I told her was completely ridiculous and impossible. I had to remind her that I work at Dell. So, I’ve agreed to work from home for the next four weeks. But not in bed. I have an ultrasound next week to check on him, so I’ll keep everyone updated.

Please do not show up at my house unannounced. It might be days since I’ve had a shower, and I wouldn’t want you to see me in that condition. It could get scary.

Hump Day with Papa PMB: Eviction Notice

As I was watching the election last night, it occurred to me that our nation has a few too many "Blue States." Here are a few that we could evict until they get their act together.

1. New Mexico – I don’t really care for Old Mexico….why do we need a new one?
2. Delaware – Seriously. Have you ever met anyone from Delaware?
3. Vermont – I could live without maple syrup. And if I ever had the urge to punch a teva-wearing tree-hugger in the face, I could just go down the street to Whole Foods.
4. South Dakota – Is there any reason we have two Dakota’s?
5. New Jersey – Have you seen the commercials for “Cash 4 Gold”? Everyone on that commercial is from New Jersey. “I sent my wedding band in from my fourth marriage and got $400!!”
6. New York – Electing Hillary Clinton to the Senate should have been the last straw.
7. Rhode Island – If they get 4 electoral votes, my back yard should get 3.

Question of the Week:

Why in the world is Arkansas voting on anything to do with homosexuality? Do any gay people actually live in Arkansas? Shouldn’t they be more concerned with incest?

Helen Thatcher Thompson Beaty

Helen and James had a beautiful little girl this morning! Thatcher was born at 2:30am - 8.0 lbs, 21.5 inches.

Helen went through four straight days of intense prodromal labor (I'm going to have to look that one up). At 11pm on Sunday night, the real deal kicked in, the midwives came over, and she was born 3.5 hours later. James already wins husband of the year...he woke up this morning after they slept for a few hours and made pancakes!

Only 5 more weeks until baby #2 arrives!