It's going....

At least once a day, I get asked how the remodel is going.  "It's going" is my typical answer.  Because do you REALLY want to know?  Do you really care??  It's like when I pass someone in the hallway at work.  "Hey there, how are you doing?"  When actually, I could care less.  

So if you really are interested, here goes.  

I feel like I'm living in a crappy little apartment.  Well, not little.  The upstairs has 3 bedrooms, 1 playroom, 2 baths, a kitchen and a tv area.  But, it looks like I stepped back in time 10 years.  The furniture we have up there is the same exact furniture that Will had in his apartment when we got married.  Exactly the same.  It wasn't intentional, and actually it's kind of scary that we still have all of it.  Maybe we should pat ourselves on the back for picking out decent pieces 10 years ago, right?  

So, by crappy little apartment, I really mean crap-ass-kitchen.  This thing is bad.  My cleaning lady told me that it's the worst oven she's ever seen.  And you know she's seen some shitty ovens.  Then she proceeds to turn to Noel, my brother-in-law, and they start talking about the oven in Spanish, and laughing their asses off.  Now I'm scared to turn it on.  

The kitchen sink?  Yeah, well, it didn't drain.  So Will tried drano which didn't help.  Then, the other day, I filled it up with hot water and oxy clean to soak a few articles of clothing with stains from a Pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor (entirely different story!), and when I went back in the kitchen 30 minutes later, the entire contents of the sink were on the kitchen floor.  Lovely.  So I called Gustovo, the Plumber.  Turns out, the garbage disposal was so old and gross that it was rotting.  So I ran to Home Depot, purchased a new one, and had him install it.  Right before he left, he told me to run the dishwasher because it smelled so bad.  So I did.  And went about my business.  Yeah, bad idea.  The entire dishwasher drained onto my kitchen floor.  I am now hand-washing dishes, just like I did 10 years ago. 

Oh, and the washer and dryer?  They are in the kitchen.  They look all nice and new and fancy.  Turns out, they aren't.  The dryer wasn't drying the clothes.  It was heating, but not drying.  So I called around and no one services LG dryers.  I think that was my first sign that they must  be crap.  So, I call LG.  The customer service rep suggested that we pull the dryer out and make sure that nothing was clogging the vent.  Good idea.  You know what we found?  A bird's nest.  WITH EGGS!!!!  I am not even shitting you.  Eggs.  And then all of a sudden, the birds outside realized that we found their little secret, and they went all ape shit on us.  Will's exact words:  "Call Animal Control.  I don't do birds."  

So yeah, that's how the remodel went last week.  This week seems to be better.  Except that I went around the house yesterday to take pictures with my MIL's camera.  You know, because I am so smart that I packed up my camera somewhere and can't find it.  And then I proceeded to get her SD card stuck in Will's laptop.  Lovely.